


Man On The Run

by UnderAPseudonym



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Marauders' Era, Romance, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 17:41:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14290005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnderAPseudonym/pseuds/UnderAPseudonym
Summary: James doesn't know if he can come to terms with a new chapter in his life, but Lily by his side, ready to help.





	Man On The Run

Lily

I finished pulling my hair back into a high ponytail, tightening it and staring at my reflection.

You can't keep this secret forever.

I ignored the small voice in the back of my brain, taking a steep breath in and walking out to the kitchen. There, I found my husband making, or rather attempting to make, oatmeal.

"Does this milk smell off?" he asked, shoving the nozzle right under my nose. It was definitely off, and my stomach did a flip flop because of it.

"Yes, Merlin, that is bad." i grimaced, pushing it away quickly. 

"Well that's just wonderful." he sighed, stirring at the sad attempt of oatmeal. "It looks like baby food, or phlegm. I don't know how anyone likes this stuff." At the mention of both baby food and phlegm, my throat closed up fast, trying to stave away any vomit. "You okay, sweetheart?" he asked, a little confused. I had to regain composure and fast.

"Yeah, i think i'm still just a little sick from last night." It wasn't a lie, but it definitely wasn't the truth. I didn't think he could handle the truth.

He nodded quietly, watching me pull bacon and eggs out of the fridge.

"Can I bum some of that off you?" he smirked, dumping the oatmeal in the sink.

"Of course." I grinned back, already having the idea to make us both breakfast. 

He leaned against the counter, his hands lazy behind him, just watching me. Even when I wasn't turned around, I could tell he was staring; I felt it. And I could tell he had that stupid grin on his face, for no reason in particular, just because he got to watch me make breakfast. I would never understand how right then, with no makeup, in sweatpants and a tank top, hair a complete mess, he could still find me beautiful. I reveled in it, and in unsure personal times, such as what I was hiding, I would always know he would love me. That should have been enough to force the truth out of me, but it surely wasn't.

He trotted across the small kitchen, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my middle. I felt panic rise up in me, and quickly tried to get his arms off me.

"James--don't--I--please." I tried to sound serious, but that smile on his face made me laugh. After a moment of this, we both retreated into laughing heaps, James picking me up off the ground and swinging me around a little. "Be careful!" I chuckled, and he set me down for a minute.

"You've got a great 'Mum voice'." he snickered, anxiety hitting me like a freight train. I didn't let the smile fade from my face, I couldn't let it slip, but on the inside, I was freaking out.

"You think?" I asked, slowly returning to the skillet of food, looking for something to do with my hands.

"I do. You'll be a great mother to our 12 Potter children." he laughed wildly. I tried to get into the joking mood, but it was hard.

"12, huh?" I retorted, and he smiled.

"A whole herd." he smiled. I turned to face him momentarily, and there was a bright light in his eyes. 

This was it. Say it now.

But I just couldn't.

I stared at him, his brown eyes full of love and adoration. Being a father had always been of upmost importance to him, but he wanted to wait until the war was over, we both did. No doubt he would be the best father, better than any that I could think of. I could imagine him with a son, teaching him how to get into trouble, how to play quidditch, and how to flirt with girls. All things that I didn't deem appropriate. He would do it with Sirius and Remus by his side, and the four of us would watch him grow up and get married and have his own family. 

"Lil?" he asked, my eyes getting glassy. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" he brought his two large hands up to my cheeks, and I sniffled, wiping away my tears.

"Nothing. It's nothing." I murmured, turning back around to finish the food.

The kitchen stayed quiet, while I grabbed at plates and began serving the food. James stayed leaned up against the counter, eyes downcast in thought. I put the plates on the table and sat down to eat. After a few moments, he followed suite, sitting across from me at the small table.

"Lily--" James began. I waited with bated breath to hear what he was going to say next. "I thought you wanted to have kids?" he seemed conflicted, like he was having a moral dilemma.

"James, I do--more than you know." I responded, not looking him in the eyes.

"With how upset you just got, I was just checking." he murmured. "We will have to wait until the war is over--" he stated, suddenly calm. I snapped my head up to meet his gaze, but he didn't notice the quick movement. "But then, once we're out of existential turmoil, we can have as many as you'd like." he smiled warmly, but I could barely concentrate. He had just confirmed my fears. He didn't want a baby.

We sat in silence and ate for the next 20 or so minutes. Afterwards, we got into the familiar and silent routine of doing the dishes, then James went to work.

Although his parents had just died, and he inherited the enormous fortune that they possessed, he still desired to work. He looked for purpose, even when we saved lives every day with the Order. He needed more purpose. He would always need more purpose. 

He was an Auror in the Ministry of Defense. He was talented and young and ambitious, and was fixing up to be the Head of the Ministry of Defense, like his father was some years ago. As for me, I was an intern at St. Mungo's. I had hopes of being a healer some day, but the real hope, one that Remus and I both shared, was to teach at Hogwarts. Now wasn't the time to be pestering Albus about a teaching position, but once the war was over, Remus and I both wanted to teach. It was the only job he might be able to get due to his werewolf status. He currently resided with Sirius and Roxanne at their apartment. Although, due to the rocky relationship between Sirius and Roxanne, I considered it to be Sirius and Remus' apartment. Remus had lived with us for a little while, but our apartment was a shoebox, a one bedroom studio. Just another thing I had to worry about now; how the size of our apartment didn't accommodate for any other people in it besides James and I, and definitely not a baby.

I slumped on the couch, knowing I had called in sick to work earlier this morning. I had an entire day to myself, to figure out how to tell James about the baby.

I spent most of the day sleeping on the couch or watching TV. The nausea and dizziness had set in, and sleeping was about all I could do. I got up and cleaned a little, but not much.

That evening, like every other evening, the lock on the door rattled for a minute, and then my husband walked in. He had a smile on his face before announcing, "I'm home, Lil." I got up from the couch and hugged him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"How was your day?" I asked, getting ready to fix something for dinner.

"Good I guess, Frank told me Alice is--" But he was interrupted. The lights went out fast and everything got cold and silent. James pulled me into his side quickly, and we both pulled out our wands. We'd gotten used to this barrage. A few death eaters, maybe a wizard or two, but we could always take them. James and I were two of the most promising young wizards that our generation had to offer. Together, there was nothing we couldn't do.

Two or three death eaters floated in the door, and James and I lunged at them. It was a few minutes of casting spells, and we were almost finished, we'd almost gotten them, but Bellatrix Lestrange walked in. She sent me flying into the wall. James called after me, but he was busy with the death eaters.

"Lily Potter." she spat the last name, coming closer to me. I was pinned against the wall, unable to move. "The Dark Lord will be so happy to know that I've finally got your head on a silver platter for him." She got close enough to press her wand into my throat. "Are you ready to die, Lily Potter?" she asked, and I panicked. 

I couldn't stop the words from coming out, they flew out without hesitation.

"Please, don't, I'm pregnant." 

James snapped his head over, having just gotten rid of the last death eater. I watched him scramble up from the ground, coming towards me, but Bellatrix stopped him. I began to sob, and her expression was unreadable. After a moment, she let me and James go, stepping back for a moment. None of us raised our wands, we just stood in silence.

"You've got something much worse coming to you, Lily Potter. Something much, much worse." her face was downcast, almost like pity, and then she apparated away.

I avoided looking at James.

"Was that the truth?" he sounded upset, disappointed, betrayed.

I was silent.

"Answer me!" he shouted suddenly. It was enough to make me jump. 

"Yes." i whispered, wringing my hands together, looking around the apartment in disarray. 

He let out a long huff, running his hands through his messy black mop nervously. He began to pace across the floor, just in disbelief.

"Why didn't you tell me? Merlin, you had the perfect opportunity this morning!" he was yelling again.

"I was scared." I muttered, still a little afraid of this reaction.

"Scared?" he laughed humorlessly. "Scared of what? Me? How does that make sense?" he shouted angrily.

"I was afraid of this!" I snapped back, causing him to stop pacing and stand silent. "You being an ass instead of being comforting!" I was yelling now too.

"An ass?" he got louder. "You waited until you were almost dead to tell me! Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you going to make up lies until I found out myself? And then you had the audacity to tell the enemy? They know we're weak now! THEY WILL COME FOR US, LILY!" I had never seen him so angry, or heard him yell so loud. I tried to hold it back, but I began to sob again. He just shook his head, running his hands over his mouth, still in disbelief.

He walked over to the floo fireplace, and just stared at me for a second.

"I'm going to be out for a while." he said simply, disappearing in the green dust.

I was left to lean against a wall, sobbing alone.

 

James

The air was crisp and cold for November. I shrugged my shoulders a little, trying to become more inward into my coat.

I walked around the familiar park, snow crunching beneath me. The playground had a dusting of snow atop it, and it still looked the same as I'd remembered it. I brushed off a bench, sitting down and staring at the equipment. 

I had played on those very monkey bars and slides when I was a child. Godric's Hollow had been a wonderful place to grow up. It was quaint, and it held some of my fondest memories. I still remembered when Sirius came home from school with me for the first time. We were maybe 11 or 12 years old. His parents had joined Voldemort's following, and Sirius didn't want to go home. Because he was a Gryffindor, he was mostly disowned by his family, so I offered for him to stay with me. We played on this playground almost every day, in the freezing cold, making up stories about danger and intrigue, pretending we were at the very tip top of the Ministry of Magic, fighting off evil and reigning supreme with justice and kindness. Afterwards, we would race back to my house, just a few minutes from the playground, bursting through the door while my mother insisted we take off our snowy shoes without tracking water into the house. She would smile and make us hot chocolates, and kiss me on the forehead before telling me she loved me.

I felt a tear welling up in my eye, and I quickly wiped it away.

The memories were salt in a fresh wound. They had only been dead for a month. Just a week ago, we had gotten all the legal things sorted out. Now, I held the keys to my childhood home and I sat on an enormous fortune. 

I walked over to the graveyard, which was small but beautiful. Their graves were only lightly dusted with snow, and the dirt beneath was still practically fresh. 

I squatted between the two graves, putting a gloved hand down on the dirt peeking through.

"Mum, Dad." I spoke quietly. "Lily's pregnant." I finished, emotion washing over me again. "If you would have stuck around just a little longer, I could have told you this in person. And maybe you could have met your grandchild." I sighed. "We're only 19, and I don't know how we're going to manage this, with the war and my job and her job and everything that's going on outside of those things." I felt more tears welling up in my eyes. "I'm so scared." I finally let the tears spill over onto my cheeks. "I still feel like I haven't gotten to grow up, and without you guys here, I just feel so alone. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Everyone is turning on everyone in the Order, we're fighting a losing battle, and I get the feeling I won't be around long enough to see my kid grow up." I stopped talking for a minute, while I allowed myself to sob. "You were such incredible parents to me, and you set such an amazing example, and I don't think I can live up to it. I just don't know if I can be you guys. You were so much older than me, so experienced in the world, and so wise. You always knew what to say." I sniffed sadly. "And when I really need you to say something wise to me, you aren't here." 

I let myself relax onto the ground, raising my long legs up a little, enveloping them in my folded arms. 

This was the first time I'd actually cried since they died. I didn't cry at the funeral, I didn't cry when I got the news. But now, here, I was sobbing without contempt. I was just letting it go, everything coming out in my sobs.

"I don't want the fortune. I want you guys back." I whispered to myself, still caught up. I felt like a child, but in some ways I guess I was. "I should be at home, comforting Lily, trying to work something out, but I just--" I was at a loss for words. I literally couldn't think of a single thing to say. 

I didn't hear her walk up behind me.

She sat down next to me silently, just putting her cold hand gently over mine. 

We both stared straight ahead for a moment, watching the snow fall lightly. Then, she ran a hand through my hair, bringing my head to her chest. I began to sob even harder, and she stayed quiet, just gently combing through my hair.

After a few minutes, I sat up, wrapping my arms tightly around her.

"Are you okay?" she asked gently, a few tears straying from her eyes.

I nodded slowly, just looking down into her hesitant emerald stare.   
"I'm sorry." I stuttered, and she shook her head quickly.

"No, I'm sorry. This is a really difficult time for you, for the Order, you're under a lot of stress and pressure from lots of different places, and this is the last thing we need." she muttered. I was just quiet for a minute, trying to sort out my thoughts quickly.

"You know I love you right?" I asked, and she smiled, nodding. "We will make it through this. We're James and Lily Potter."

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to, James." she spoke calmly, giving me a gaze that explained what she was referring to without her explicitly saying anything.

"No, I don't think we should do that." I responded quickly, not sure what in my body was making me answer like that. My brain was saying 'leave your options open', but my heart said 'this is your kid'.

There was another short silence.

"So we're having a baby?" she asked, caution in her tone. A smile broke onto my face out of nowhere.

"We're having a baby." I grinned. She threw herself on me, gripping herself around me tight.

"I'm so happy you said that." she breathed, and it cause a chuckle to rise from my chest.

 

James

He had been born at 11:49PM on July 31st.

I felt overwhelming joy and happiness whenever I looked at his face, but also overwhelming sadness.

I knew what this meant.

And something in me just knew that he was the one.

Something about looking at him, holding him, I knew he was the one the prophecy was about. He was The Chosen One. Which meant Lily had to defy Voldemort a final time, resulting in her death.

I could only hope that I didn't die in the events that were sure to take place. Harry needed me. He needed a father. He needed Sirius and Remus. He needed us to raise him.

Not every tear I shed the day he was born, was due to happiness. Some were sad tears.

I knew that Lily was going to die, I knew that there was terrible pain and loss to follow, but I couldn't bring myself to care. I had my son and my wife.

And I would die protecting them against whatever evil may follow us. I just prayed that he could live a happy life, one that's worthwhile and long.

Even if we weren't in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, thanks for reading! If you liked it, give it a big kudos, and if you want to comment, that's totally rad too!


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